Week Two Blues

So, I was writing away at my novel for NaNoWriMo. I was reasonably enjoying it – I haven’t been a huge fan of my story since I finished my outline, admittedly, it kind of ran away from me and became something I wasn’t entirely fond of, but by this point it was Sunday night and I don’t do well without a map and a list of where I need to go, so I just grabbed this list and figured, “It’s only a month, once the month is over, the novel can be editted into something better, or just pushed aside, the goal here is to write. Write a lot. And learn from it.” You see, as I’ve mentioned, I haven’t written a novel before but I want to, so badly. So I picked up NaNoWriMo as a way to help me along with my writing, learn a bit about how novel writing works, what it’s like, and push past the wall of ‘ZOMG-MY-FIRST-FRIDGIN-NOVEL-EEEP’ – but I was enjoying the process of getting the words down, whether I liked them or not. Being able to compare word counts with friends, maybe do a few word wars – and OMG how good word wars have been for my word count – has been incredibly fun.

But, then I reached week two.

At first, I just thought I was perhaps having a bad couple of days. My depression hit me in the back of the head whilst I wasn’t looking and reminded me how shit my life was, which is something I don’t tend to think from day to day, and while it was there, it told me how shit my novel is, how there was no salvaging it, and I wasn’t even going to manage 50k words if I got to the end anyway, so why even bother? And you know, I genuinely wanted to listen, throw this crap novel away, and start with something new. Then I was told about week two and.. well, apparently it’s a thing. You hit week two and suddenly the wheels aren’t turning anymore. Funnily enough, even after I killed my novel by including a horrific scene in which the MC finds a girl dead, hanging from a tree after a lynching (it was horrible to write and afterwards I couldn’t think how to uplift the novel at all), the idea that most people were hating their novels and wanting to give up at this point kept me pushing.

Okay, so, I wanted to give myself a pretty big cushion the past few days, Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, but I didn’t manage that. I have, however, kept up with nano’s suggested daily word goal, and unlike last Friday and Saturday, I don’t have the cushion to slack off before and after working in the shop, which honestly sucks a bit. I’m not having a great time and I’d like to come home and relax with some LotRO, a good book, or maybe something on iPlayer, but I have to write, at least 2k words a day, and write I will, even if it bloody well kills me!

I’m determined to reach my 50k word goal, no matter how much I have to push through and pad with dares and other kinds of crap, because I’ve set out to reach 50k, and I don’t want to say at the end of the month, “Yeah, I pretty much gave up.” No, I’m a master at starting new projects and abandoning them when something shinier comes along. Screw you week two!

PS. I’ve scheduled this post to post while I’m out, will be back in about an hour! :p

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