An Explanation

I actually promised myself that I’d never get this personal on my WoW blog (that’s what my personal blog is for, after all), because it’s a WoW blog, and I want a happy little space on the internet. Trouble is, I feel that I should tell you what’s going on at the moment.

The thing is, I wouldn’t even say I’ve had a bad life. My mum left my dad for another man I never really liked (though these days I think I prefer him to her, that’s beside the point) when I was 7, sure it sucked a bit at the time but hey, I was 7, I’m 21 now, that’s quite a lot of time to get over it. Sure, my dad has had money troubles trying to find a job that would mean he could work decent hours to look after me and also afford to live, he ended up on a paid by commission job for a while which wasn’t brilliant, but I’ve lived in the same house my entire life, and even then I would have been about 10 and didn’t really know what was going on. Okay, so it sucked a bit when I realised that my mum wasn’t really bothering with me after a few years, she’d had 3 other kids she was always busy with and I always had to call her and visit her, there was never any contact from her side, long story short, I don’t get on with her too well these days.

What I’m getting at though, is sure I’ve had a couple of hardships in my life while growing up, but nothing particularly crippling as far as I can see. So I don’t particularly understand where this depression came from. The past 3 ((jesus has it really been that long?)) years, I’ve really struggled. My then boyfriend went to university and left me, I struggled to get a job, and things just went downhill. It caused some pretty hefty problems with anxiety (and a nice little car bump while I was on the medication.. came off those, I’m a driver, didn’t feel safe being that tired all the time) and stuff’s just been a bit shit.

So yeah, I like to pretend all is fine and be as cheerful as I can be, because even if I’m not, even if I’m just pretending, it still makes me feel better. And you have no idea just how good both my dad and Dan have been to me the past couple of years, I swear to God they are probably the 2 most amazing people in my life .. heck they put up with enough, ha. Ugh, sorry, sentiment. See, I’m not the only one who has been having trouble finding work. Dan has struggled too, and we just want to get our life started, you know?

Basically, it’s got to the point where I need to put ads on my blog. I know some of you are against ads, and I will try my hardest to keep them clean, but I really hope you understand why I’m having to do this.

Aaand back to the regular not-so-scheduled posting soon!

21 thoughts on “An Explanation”

  1. Depression is a constant battle. Every day you wake up and know you will have to fight for not staying under the blanket, to meet people, smile, eat, do the house’s chores, just live. It’s possible, and it’s easier when you have loving and supportive ones around you. They don’t always understand what’s happening but they are here for you.

    And for the blog hosting, I was thinking maybe one of your readers would draw you some logo to add on your T-shirts ?
    Kinie recently posted…Gkicked, a new start.My Profile

  2. Whoops, late to commenting as usual. And please don’t worry about the ads – they’re very discreet, and any reader who kicks up a fuss about that kind of thing isn’t worth keeping anyway.

    As for the depression, I’m sorry to hear life has been so hard, and thank you for all your good cheer and energy, in spite of it. I know how hard it is when there isn’t a reason you can point to and say “this is it, this is why.” But that doesn’t make you any less brave than someone Who Has Overcome Great Hardship and all that stuff.

    *hugs*

  3. *hugs* I know how icky depression can be…
    As you can see the WoW blogosphere are here for you, even if you *do* use ads on your site!
    I would suggest you try applying for BlogHer ads – they bring in enough for me each year to pay for my hosting, and I only get about 15-25ish hits per day. Every little helps, right?
    (I need to add mine to my gaming blog still but have it on my other blog, softthistle.net, if you want to have a look at how it looks, know what I mean?)
    *hugs* to you, I hope things start to go on the up and up for you and Dan. x
    Softi recently posted…Dear Blizzard, give me a BETA key!My Profile

  4. *hugs*

    I really hope ads make a difference for you. Also, both Amazon and Game have good affiliates schemes if you want to consider that route.

    Your writing is what maters to me. It’s creative and inspiring, and makes me think. A few ads won’t matter to me at all.
    Gazimoff recently posted…The Obscurecast: Episode 5My Profile

  5. HUGS! You have 2 good people in your life. Treasure them, love them and forget the rest. Remember the Seph motto – “what anyone else thinks of me is none of my business”. Live for YOU, learn to love YOU and the rest follows.

    How can you make anyone else happy if you’re not happy yourself? I really hope you can find a bit of happy, nurture it and that it will grow and swamp out your depression.

    Hey if some dodgy ads get through no worries – at least folks will know where to come to get their “make your stick like a rock for ladies” medicines from 😉

    More hugs, Seph xxx
    Sephrenia recently posted…Second BlogaversaryMy Profile

  6. *hugs* I know how difficult depression can be – I’ve struggled with it for years and years (with no real reason for it, lovely family, reasonably happy upbringing). The main thing to remember is that things change and you’ll feel better – it comes and goes…you’ll always come around to the bright side again.

    I think that depression can be, at least in part, physical. I’ll have days where I feel absolutely terrible, so depressed – sometimes it feels sharp, like grief, except that there is no cause for it. And then it will slowly lift and I’ll feel more normal again.

    Just be supportive of yourself, and give your friends and family a chance to support you as well. <3

  7. Don’t feel bad about it Jae. I’ve had a similar childhood and am going through roughly the same. If it wasn’t for a wonderful, supporting job I’d have to do far worse than putting up ads.
    Anyways, ads won’t stop us from visiting your blog and reading your stuffs. In fact, you might want to think about stuff like T-Shirts or cups too 🙂
    Pindleskin recently posted…Incoming ChangesMy Profile

  8. Hey Jae

    Big *hugs* as always – I’m sorry life’s feeling all too much at present. I was glad that Kinelfire showed up and commented as I know that she’ll have said what I was going to say, but better 🙂

    Long —> short, it’s your blog, people read it because you’re composed of awesomesauce and ads won’t change that! Go easy on yourself, ok?

    Pilf x
    Pilfkin recently posted…This should be my 100th post…My Profile

  9. I’m sorry you’re feeling like that – I can relate to it (without going into detail), and sometimes it’s just extra difficult to keep up the “cheery facade”.

    You have no reason to apologise – as everyone is saying – we’re all human and I think that is something we always do good to remember.

    I’d say that if you ever want to talk to someone who’s had similar experiences I’d be happy to chat with you, but I realise that talking to a “stranger” may not really be the best thing in any case *lol* Just wanted to let you know I understand where you’re coming from, and I hope that you will soon find yourself in a more comfortable “place”.

  10. We totally understand and really, you didn’t HAVE to give us an explanation. I know depression can be super hard to work through and I’m glad you have people there for you.

    We will come here to read what you have to say, no matter what 🙂 <3 If you ever need to chat, just give me a poke!
    Anea recently posted…Through the Dark PortalMy Profile

  11. Nothing to apologise for Jae, if your awesome site can help you to make ends meet, then well done you. Don’t forget you have plenty of fans out here in the internets who love you – don’t be afraid to lean on us for support if you need it <3
    Angelya recently posted…Today on TwitterMy Profile

  12. Sweetie, I agree with those before me, you have nothing to apologize for. Everyone has to make do with what they have, and that’s what you’re doing.

    Depression and anxiety are very difficult things to overcome, but it sounds like you’ve got a support network, so that’s certainly something. By the looks of things, you’ve also got a great support network online — so cherish those things.

    You’ll get through it, take care of yourself — that’s the most important part.
    Morynne recently posted…3.3.5 Tomorrow? Your guess is as good as mine.My Profile

  13. I can honnestly undertsand where your comming from. I myself am just comming to terms witrh my dads death and several other bits of my life are falling to bits, and yet people expect you to be cheery it always doesnt work like that.

    1. I’m sorry to hear that *hugs* if anybody is expecting you to be cheery at a time like that they need to get real. Hope things start turning around for you soon.

  14. Hey; sorry to make a first comment on a very personal post, but er. Yeah.

    Depression doesn’t have to have a specific triggering event. You are allowed to feel like you are at the bottom of that very deep, dark pit, even if you also think that you shouldn’t be and that other people who seem worse off also seem to be getting on just fine. Life’s just like that sometimes, and it’s all relative. The only person you can ever really compare yourself to is you.

    So. Yeah. I’ll take my oar back in a second – just remember you can act your way into thinking but you can’t think your way into acting. And whatever you need to do for you and to make your life what you need it to be, do it. Ads, whatever.

    Take care!
    kinelfire recently posted…Diminshing tolerance for nincompoops: new lows in MauradonMy Profile

    1. Hehe, first comments on any post are awesome, I love hearing from readers.

      And you do of course make perfect sense, but it’s very difficult to not put yourself down sometimes. I appreciate the comment 🙂

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