Guest Post; A Rant About Tanks Part 1

Jaedia’s note: Ryyu, or Dan, is my other half. I may have mentioned him once or twice. Hope you enjoy the change of scenery 🙂

Hello, I think you start Blag posts with hello. My name is Ryyus, well, ok it’s not my name is Dan but due to some arse on my server taking that name it’s Ryyus for now. If it’s never been mentioned before, I’m an angry, annoying tool and my hobbies include shouting, swearing, quoting Stephen Fry, shouting again and trying my hardest to have sex with the writing staff at Bioware. So I’m basically Gordon Ramsey without my forehead looking like that of a burns victims vagina.

Tanking is something I’ve always done  since I first doned my two hander and charged gleefully into the mobs in Uldaman in ‘zerker stance shouting at the mage that “noobs use Def stance” right up to when I gemmed all my gear with strength gems, enchanted full DPS enchants and 490 defence to tank totc faster (8k DPS ON TWINS BITCHES). I’ve tanked my way through the game for the past 4 and a half horrible years of this World of Warcraft, usually as the underdog tank (Druid in classic says hello) and a few times as the unstoppable God of death (Druid in 2.0 says hello). In this time I’ve noticed a lot of things about tanks, tanking, people who tank, how people treat tanks or how tanks gem and enchant, and a lot of it makes me want to jump off a bridge, below me being all the people I’ve mentioned and in my arms being an anti-stupid nail bomb. I’ll ignore TBC and Classic tanking for now due to the fact that with all bar the Illidan fight, tanking was basically “mash your shit till the alive thing is dead”.

Wrath has changed a lot of things 4 viable tank classes for a start, more options in your spec, the fact that the damage a tank is doing is now important and mostly the fact that while all basic, the rotation tanks are doing can easily show the difference between a good and a terrible tank. Gear has stopped becoming an issue like it once was mainly due to the fact I’m sure you get 2 frost badges from successfully logging on without spelling your user name wrong, but has also become a double edged sword as standards are now so retardedly high, with most asking for at least full epic to even be allowed to try and fight the deep run critters (my dream is to one day meet the person who dreamt up gear score and staple him to a bear). Wotlk unlike TBC, which changed literally nothing about the core problems with most (see; Non warrior) tanks (mana back for paladins, druids get an instant and a dot, and gear sets). Tanking these days is a different kettle of fish to what it once was, a different game almost. Sadly, this change means a lot of the idiots that we happily let play pure DPS classes can now be a tank. Anyone with a PC, a chair, £9, and the assumption that being in defensive stance means that they are a higher form of life to everyone else in the group can happily charge into packs believing  their 71 points in prot and full green quality parry gems mean that when they die it was THE RETARDED HEALERS fault, and not their’s for pulling the boss when he had 20 mana after having to spam their nuke heal on the useless cretin.

This is where I come in. My hope is to not only teach bad tanks how not to be bad, but also point out the players who are good, the ones who are misguided but also good, the ones who are so far up their own arse that they are technically their own face crab while still managing to be useless at everything, and also tell people how to handle these people. Also, take some time out to call everyone who talks down to tanks that have 23k hp as “useless scrub noobs” then add something like “oh my friend has 45k hp unbuffed and I know you can get 40k up just from the items in VH heroic and that you need this much to be able to tank any heroic lol” a bunch of annoying, uninformed, inbred, useless sheeps of human beings who would do the rest of us a lot better just by fucking off.

As I said, angry as hell.

4 thoughts on “Guest Post; A Rant About Tanks Part 1”

  1. “my name is Dan but due to some arse on my server taking that name it’s Ryyus for now”

    Dan, you seem rather upset about your name.

  2. “my dream is to one day meet the person who dreamt up gear score and staple him to a bear”

    Sadly the original reason it was brought about was to silence the whiners who thought people in t6 couldn’t raid in naxx.

    Loved the Blog, I got a lot of weird looks at work when I spurted water all over my keyboard laughing at the ramsey comment.
    .-= echo´s last blog ..Goodbye Sweet Prince =-.

    1. The biggest problem, after some thought with the bear comment is more the fact that upon stapling said man to a bear, he is most likely out of reach of its Jaws, while you have just stapled a bear.

      I’ve only ever stapled my friend, and he reacted badly enough.

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